Spartacus: Vengeance 2.5 - Libertus

Gannicus is back! Gannicus is back! Gannicus is back! Sorry, just had to get that out of my system. Where was I? Ah yes, Gannicus is back. After some bitching in the top box, most of it directed at poor Glaber, Varinius (Brett Tucker) announces the executions as both Ilithyia and Seppia (Hanna Mangan-Lawrence) cast adoring eyes at him. Crixus, Oenomaus and Rhaskos (Ioane King) are brought out to face Gannicus and half a dozen gladiators. Battle is begun... but not finished, as we are taken back to the events of the previous day.

Spartacus, unrepentant for the disastrous trip to the mines, leads the rebels to an abandoned temple. Abandoned except for an old man, Lucius (Peter McCauley) who lowers his bow when he hears Spartacus' name and tells him that the captured three are to be executed the following morning. Agron goes to Naevia, who is tending to Nasir's (Pana Hema Taylor) wounds and thanks her for saving his life. She tells him that they never should have rescued her, sounding like an ungrateful bitch. Luckily Spartacus wasn't in earshot to hear her. He was too busy planning a rescue mission, "one that will ignite the hearts of all yet enslaved", which the booming triumphalist music tells us is going to be a spectacular finale to the episode. Nasir, recovered from his injuries, wants to go with them but is not fit enough yet. He and Agron kiss and Spartacus gives the rebels a rousing speech before he leads a small band back to the arena!

Gannicus, back in Capua, takes the company of a whore. She recognises him and asks him why he has come back if he is now a free man. He muses over his past glories and past indiscretions.

Ashur, having returned to the villa with Marcus' dead body instead of Spartacus, draws Glaber's ire who tells him he will be sent to die in the arena with the others. Varinius, Albinius (Kevin J. Wilson), Ilithyia and Lucretia put the final touches on their secret plans. Glaber must be kept out of the loop, which is why they're meeting in the middle of the villa in broad daylight surrounded by slaves and servants. Ilithyia explains to Lucretia afterwards that their coded talk of "encumbrance" means that she must have an abortion. Thank Jupiter the Romans didn't have Rick Santorum to mess up her plans. Lucretia does her best to save Ilithyia's baby in his stead. First she tells her that taking the medicine right away will cause her to be absent from the games, which would arouse suspicion. Then, she strikes a deal with Ashur: she will invent a vision to convince her husband to spare him in return for him replacing Ilithyia's medicine with an inert mix of water and herbs. Ashur promptly repays her by going straight to Glaber and telling him that he knows Ilithyia is trying to get rid of the baby. Uh oh... After confronting her, she tells him that her father is divorcing them and she's leaving him for Varinius.

Cut back to the day of the games and some excellent duels precede the main event. As Spartacus and the rest move into position, Varinius gives his speech and the condemned are brought out to face Gannicus, the other gladiators and their certain doom. The battle is begun once more and Spartacus' plan is put into action. Gannicus tries to apologise to Oenomaus, telling him that he never wanted any of it to happen, but he doesn't care for his words and the battle continues. Rhaskos is killed and Oenomaus lies prone beneath Gannicus' blade when Spartacus' plan comes to life. The CGI is pretty poor to be honest and it looks quite fake. It also raises the question of whether Spartacus has turned from a freedom fighter into a terrorist. In the ensuing confusion, Spartacus launches a spear at the top box, aiming to kill Glaber, but succeeding in only wounding Seppius (Tom Hobbs). It's basically a rip-of of the moment at the end of 300 when Leonidas throws a spear at Xerxes: it's done in slow motion and it catches his cheek as well. As everyone flees, someone has the opportunity to save someone else's life; someone who is trying to make their life a lot harder. Mercy is not granted...

A good, solid episode. Attention is equally divided between the storylines this week as several major events happen. The best bit is obviously the return of Gannicus and everything that happens outside of the villa is clearly just moving towards his meeting with Oenomaus. The final event is perhaps the weakest part. The unconvincing CGI is part of it but the fact remains that Spartacus has reached the point of no return: the point where he stops killing only Roman soldiers and slave-owners and starts killing ordinary Roman citizens. It's going to be interesting to see what direction the writers take him in now. Will he continue indiscriminately killing Romans? Will Glaber be able to use this as propaganda against him to secure more forces from Rome? Or will they ignore all of the ramifications of this and just carry on as if nothing has happened? Somehow, I suspect the latter is true.

Ilithyia boob watch: Nothing.

7 out of 10.

In Time (2011)

Sometimes, I watch a film even though I know it will be rubbish. You've done it too, I'm sure. We all have. I've seen the mediocre romantic comedy Bride Wars three times for goodness sake! Why? It's not bad, it's comfortingly average and sometimes that's just what we're looking for. In that spirit, I decided to watch In Time. I'd read the reviews but still I was drawn to it, like a moth to a shit-stained light bulb.

The story's pretty similar to Logan's Run. The year is 2161 and thanks to genetic modifications, people stop ageing at 25. Instead, on their 25th birthday, a bar code on their arm is activated and begins counting down from 1 year. Time has become the new currency, paying for everything from coffee to travel through the "time zones", barriers that separate the ghetto-like Dayton from the futuristic and serene paradise of New Greenwich. Time can be gained by working or by betting, stealing or fighting with other people. When your time runs out, you die instantly. Will Salas (Justin Timberlake) lives in Dayton with his mother Rachel (Olivia Wilde). When his mother's time runs out and he saves 105 year-old Henry Hamilton (Matt Bomer) from the vigilante gang the Minutemen and their leader Fortis (Alex Pettyfer), Henry gives Will his remaining 116 years and dies, telling him that he is tired of living. Unburdened by ties to Dayton, Will travels to New Greenwich and gambles with the uber-wealthy Philippe Weis (Vincent Kartheiser), besting him and earning an invitation to a party at his house. There, he meets his daughter, Sylvia (Amanda Seyfried), and is confronted by the Timekeepers (Collins Pennie and Cillian Murphy) who suspect him of murdering Henry. He takes Sylvia hostage and goes on the run.

From then on, it's standard action film fare: car chases, gun fights and romantic interludes between Will and Sylvia. Unfortunately, the film suffers from two major flaws: it's very badly written and both Timberlake and Seyfried are awful. Timberlake struggles when given minor supporting roles where he's playing himself (The Social Network, Bad Teacher) and I don't know what possessed the makers of this film to think he could carry it. He can't. He wonders around absent-mindedly, talking like he's reading his script for the first time. As for Seyfried, she has a permanent glassy-eyed, vacant look on her face. A lump of plywood would have been more convincing as the bored and frustrated spoilt little rich girl yearning for excitement and freedom. About the only time she does anything is when she sprints (not runs, sprints) in her tottering six-inch high heels. I'm really frustrated with her. She's a very good young actress but in her last two roles, this and Red Riding Hood, she looks like she doesn't give a shit, like she's just there for the paycheck. The idea itself isn't bad but it's badly executed. Given a re-write and with a competent leading man and a leading woman who looks like she actually wants to be there, this could have been an intriguing science fiction film.

A wasted opportunity. Don't spend an hour and fifty minutes of your life on it.

3 out of 10.

The River 1.1 & 1.2 - Marbeley

When I first saw the trailer for The River last year I wasn't very impressed. After re-watching it earlier this year it didn't look too bad and I decided that it had promise. Co-created by Oren Peli of Paranormal Activity fame and Micheal R. Perry, who has written for and produced such shows as American Gothic, Law & Order: SVU, The Guardian and The Dead Zone, it was also boasts Steven Spielberg as an executive producer. Given that he was producing this at the same time as he was producing Terra Nova and Smash and directing War Horse that doesn't mean very much.

The basic premise is this: world-renowned naturalist Dr. Emmet Cole (Bruce Greenwood) is the presenter of The Undiscovered Country, a Steve Irwin-type show where he travels the world with his family searching out rare species and marvelling at the "magic" of nature. He disappears whilst on a trip down the Amazon with just his cameraman Russ Landry for company. After an exhaustive six-month search, the effort is called off and he is declared legally dead. His wife, Tess (Leslie Hope), refuses to give up and strikes a deal with TV executive Clark Quitely (Paul Blackthorne), the former producer of Cole's show - she will mount a rescue bid which will be paid for by the network in return for the entire expedition being filmed for broadcast. There is one catch - the expedition can only go ahead if Tess can convince their son Lincoln (Joe Anderson) to come along as well. He initially refuses, having had a distant and strained relationship with his often-absent father and has accepted his death. When his mother reveals that his emergency beacon has been activated, Lincoln agrees to go. Tess and Lincoln are joined by Clark; Lena Landry (Eloise Mumford), the daughter of cameraman Russ and childhood friend of Lincoln; Cole's long-time mechanic Emilio Valenzuela (Daniel Zacapa) and his daughter Jahel (Paulina Gaitan); mercenary and private security man Kurt Brynildson (Thomas Kretschmann) and cameramen A.J. Poulain (Shaun Parkes) and Sammy Kirsch (Jeff Galfer).

The first episode of The River suffers from two main problems. The first is pacing. In exactly two minutes and twenty seconds, Lincoln Cole goes from drinking alone in a bar having accepted his father's death to being confronted by his mother and Clark with two cameras shoved in his face to being on board a boat in the middle of the Amazon. Three minutes later, they find Cole's emergency beacon attached to a cage at the bottom of the river and five minutes after that they've found his abandoned boat, The Magus. When they make the classic horror movie mistake of opening the door that's welded shut from the outside (how stupid are these people?) I couldn't care less if any of them were brutally butchered to death. The whole thing has been rushed along so much that there has been no time taken to develop any of the characters and what little exposition there is is badly written and deeply contrived. After getting the door open, they open a wooden box and unleash the Black Smoke monster from Lost.

Apparently, it's some sort of soul sent back from Hell that needs blood and can only be trapped in the wooden box. Sounds like a vampire in cloud form. The cloud kills the character who's had the least amount of screen time, other cameraman Sammy and cuts the lifeboats loose leaving the remaining characters to try and figure out how to trap it again and how to get The Magus patched up again so they can get the hell out of there.

The second main problem with The River is that it's too many things at once. It's a paranormal, supernatural, found footage horror/thriller/action adventure series. The found footage aspect in particular detracts from the show. For example, any time a character swears, they're bleeped. It's really distracting more than anything else and makes it seem more like a reality show. The technique from Paranormal Activity of having the clock in the bottom right-hand corner speed up and then slow back down again is borrowed and remains utterly pointless.

The second episode features the mechanic's daughter, Jahel, more prominently. In the last episode she told them the story of the black cloud vampire thing and in this episode she has an insect fly into her mouth which allows Emmet to communicate through her. The bulk of the team head inland to look for Cole and find an old British colonial graveyard and a tree with dolls hanging from it. The dolls are a bit creepy and although any horror reference to dolls will draw comparisons with Chucky, they are handled well enough to avoid becoming too silly. The plot holes and inconsistencies take care of that just fine.

Characters are developed more and producer Clark and private security man Kurt are clearly being set up as the bad guys. The dialogue's still very clunky and lead actor Joe Anderson is quite stiff, especially in the scenes he shares with love interest Lena. It's an improvement on a shoddy first episode, but not by much. The series is only 8 episodes so I'm going to commit to watching the remaining 6, even if they get much worse.

Episode 1: 4 out of 10.

Episode 2: 5 out of 10.

Spartacus: Vengeance 2.4 - Empty Hands

Ilithyia, Lucretia, Glaber, Albinius, Seppia, Varinius: all plot and scheme throughout this episode enough to make even Batiatus raise an eyebrow. In episode 4, the action is split between Capua and the forests of Italy that lie between the mines and Vesuvius.

Spartacus leads his band of rapidly depleting followers out of the mines and through the dense, dark forests that block their path to Mount Vesuvius and the rest of the rebels. As they hide from a Roman patrol the newly-freed Naevia decides that it would be a brilliant idea to scream and run away. Contrasted with Naevia's nervousness and exhaustion is Mira's ferociousness. she is quickly turning into a formidable adversary. Battle ensues and Spartacus loses a man, infuriating the remaining rebels who blame Naevia and insist that if she cannot keep pace with them, she must fall behind. Spartacus refuses to allow Crixus' sacrifice to have been in vain and they continue at Naevia's pace, leaving behind their fallen comrade.

When Ashur and Glaber's men come across the body, they string it up from a tree and Ashur warns Glaber's captain, Marcus (Luke Pegler), that Spartacus is not to be taken lightly, lest he see the ranks of the dead swell with more of his men. The rebels and the Romans meet in another skirmish, the rebels suffering more losses and when Nasir (Pana Hema Taylor) is injured, Spartacus refuses to leave him behind either. Besides Spartacus, Nasir and the two women, only two other rebels remain and they go their separate way, leaving Spartacus and Mira to struggle on with two dead weights. Spartacus cauterizes Nasir's wound and they continue, eventually joining up with one of the rebels who had sought a different path through the forest. When they stumble upon the strung-up body of the other rebel, they realise they have walked into a trap and battle is joined once more.

Marcus is wounded by Spartacus and Ashur kills the last rebel, dragging the captain to safety. He implores Marcus to retreat and advance only when reinforcements have arrived but the Roman refuses and Ashur deals with him in the only way he knows how to. Meanwhile, Spartacus, Mira and Naevia finally reach the edge of the forest, in sight of Mount Vesuvius, when they hear a massive force of Romans coming up behind them. Spartacus tells Mira to take Naevia and flee but she refuses and the two make a last stand against the onrushing hordes.

Back in Capua, Glaber is beset from all sides. His father-in-law, Albinius (Kevin J. Wilson), suggests that he do something to make up for ruining the games in Varinius' (Brett Tucker) honour. Ilithyia suggests a party (read: orgy) and preparations are put in place. Forced to pay lip service to both Albinius and Varinius, Glaber chastises Ilithyia for not supporting him as Lucretia does. Oh, if only he knew... When some of his men return with Crixus, Rhaskos (Ioane King) and another rebel, they are reunited with Oenomaus in the dungeons. Seppius' (Tom Hobbs) sister Seppia (Hanna Mangan-Lawrence) arrives early for the festivities and when she and Lucretia tell Ilithyia of her plan to catch Varinius' eye so that she might take his hand in marriage and climb up the greasy pole, Ilithyia is not best pleased, jealous of Varinius' more rapid ascent up said pole and of the "spoilt girl" Seppia who seeks to latch onto his back.

When the party begins, the machinations move up a gear. Glaber presents the four captured rebels as a sacrifice for the next games but Seppius insists they be killed at once to honour his cousin Sextus' memory. Varinius steps in and suggests a compromise: kill one now and save the rest for later. Glaber all but tells Varinius to fuck off, saying that Lucretia should choose who dies. Albinius agrees and she lingers over Crixus but says that the gods have chosen the anonymous rebel. What a shock! As the torture of the rebel begins Albinius muses to his daughter what a catch Varinius is, adding that he is moving up the greasy pole more quickly than her husband is. Poor old Glaber, all he wants to do is catch Spartacus and bugger off back to Rome with his wife and child and now even his own wife is beginning to entertain thoughts of what life would be like as Mrs Varinius.

When Seppia flirts with Varinius while she tries and fails to stab the rebel, Ilithyia takes the lead and finishes him off. That's how it's done, bitch, her eyes say as she hands the sword back to Seppia. Meanwhile, Lucretia and Albinius converse on the balcony and she offers to consult the gods over his "concerns" for Ilithyia. Back at the orgy, Varinius has ignored Seppia and leaves with two women even younger than her. Poor Seppia, she cries behind a curtain as her brother tells her she overreached and comforts her as Glaber casts his curious eye over them. Ilithyia detaches Varinius from his escorts and makes a proposal, one he seems keen to accept. For the moment, however, he settles for a near the knuckle response. When she seeks out her father, she finds him being gleefully ridden by Lucretia, boobs bouncing all over the place. What a lovely moment for their eyes to meet. When Ilithyia confronts her at the end of the night, Lucretia reveals that she remembers everything and Ilithyia slaps her to the floor and grabs her by the neck, threatening to do to her as she did to poor Licinia. Lucretia insists that she has the wrong end of the stick, revealing just why she fucked Albinius' brains out and telling Ilithyia she did it so that the two could mend their ways and become friends once more.

Empty Hands is the best episode of the series so far. Excellent and ferocious fight scenes juxtapose marvellously with the plotting and scheming in Capua. Spartacus shows his stubborn good guy side as he refuses to leave anyone behind and Mira continues to evolve into a tough customer. Ilithyia pouts and plots her way through another episode like a cross between Lady Macbeth and Richard III (but with better boobs, of course, which are shown briefly only once this episode). Like some great Skakespearean villainess I half expected her to turn to the camera and declare, "Plots have I laid, inductions dangerous, By drunken prophecies, libels and dreams, To set my husband Glaber and everyone else I've ever met In deadly hate the one against the other: And if Glaber be as true and just As I am subtle, false and treacherous..." Poor old Glaber. As if it wasn't obvious enough beforehand, the baby Ilithyia is carrying clearly isn't his. Does Lucretia's new-found concern for her BFF mean that she knows it's Spartacus'? How will her relationship with Albinius evolve and when will that little shit Seppius get what's coming to him? Hopefully Glaber finishes both them and Varinius off. The trailer for the next episode reveals that another character finally makes their return...

9 out of 10.

The Walking Dead 2.8 - Nebraska

First of all, a big "fuck you" to AMC for the inexplicable eleven week gap between episodes seven and eight. Eleven weeks! What the fuck were they thinking? I know that some series have a hiatus of a couple of weeks over Christmas but this was ridiculous. So, fuck you AMC.

When we last saw Rick & Co., Shane had torn the barn doors open and walkers had come streaming out. One by one they had been put down until only one remained: a small figure, emerging slowly from the barn. It was Sophia. Some may have seen it coming, but I didn't. The final moment of the episode was Rick shooting Sophia in the head and it's the first moment of this episode too.

After the inevitable confrontation between the two groups, it becomes clear that this episode is about grief. Characters respond in different ways, displaying all of the Five Stages of Grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. Some react quite simply. Carl is relaxed, his grief having passed quickly into acceptance as he tells his mom that it was the right thing to do, that he would have done the same.

Shane and Daryl both react with anger, but for different reasons. Shane is still angry with Hershel for hiding the walkers from them, convinced that they knew Sophia was in there. He takes his anger out on both Rick and Dale. Daryl explodes with rage when Lori calls him selfish for refusing to go into town to get Rick and Glenn to come back, telling her that he did more than anyone to look for Sophia, taking a bullet and an arrow for his trouble. Although they both react with anger, they do so for different reasons. Shane's anger comes from his guilt over killing Otis and from his frustration with Rick, who he believes to be an incompetent leader. Daryl's anger comes from his guilt at not being able to find Sofia and from his resentment at being unappreciated. Carol's reaction is a much quieter one than Shane and Daryl's. She wanders off into the woods and tears up a bush, emerging later in an almost catatonic state and has a quiet moment with Shane, who apologises for opening the barn and ultimately being responsible for Sofia's death.

Maggie responds to her grief by bargaining with Glenn. Twice she asks him what will happen next but he has no more idea than she does. When he hints that he will leave if the others do, she becomes determined to keep him around. When he leaves to go into town with Rick, she tells him she loves him. Glenn tells Rick that he had no idea what to say and that he didn't understand why she did it. "We're practically strangers", he adds.

After the massacre is over, Hershel orders Rick to get off his farm and then leaves, heading, it's revealed later, to the bar in town. Once Rick and Glenn get there, he reveals that he has been living in denial. When Rick appeared with his son and when Shane returned alive with the equipment he needed to save Carl, he was convinced that they were "miracles" and that a cure would be found. He is angry and disappointed with himself for refusing to accept the truth, that he was doing nothing more than feeding his wife's corpse. Depressed, he turned back to drink for the first time in over two decades. Slowly, Rick convinces him to come back to the farm and help Beth (Emily Kinney), who has fallen suddenly ill.

The final scene is the best of the episode. As Rick, Glenn and Hershel are preparing to leave, two men, Dave (Aaron Munoz) and Tony (Michael Raymond-James, better known as Rene from True Blood) walk into the bar. Together, the five men share a drink and swap stories of so-called safe havens that turned out not to be so. When Rick tells them their ultimate destination is Fort Benning, Tony tells him the place is overrun. They suggest Nebraska - sparsely populated and full of guns. The two strangers then start questioning the three over where they live and things get uncomfortable. It's an amazing ending to a very good first episode back.

The first half of the series was criticised for moving too slowly. I never agreed with that analysis. This isn't the serialisation of Zombieland, it's a drama about loss, grief, family and betrayal and it just happens to feature zombies. This episode shows just how well it can be done: great moments of drama punctuated by hilarious moments of the macabre, like Andrea stopping to pick up an arm that has fallen off the back of a truck-load of dead zombies.

8 out of 10.

Spartacus: Vengeance 2.3 - The Greater Good

Sometimes TV series can give their episodes cryptic names. Not so with Spartacus. Episode 3 of Vengeance is called "The Greater Good" and in each strand of the storyline, the characters face decisions that pit what is in the greater good against what may be to their own detriment.

For Agron (Daniel Feuerriegel), that must be whether to tell the truth about Naevia. After Spartacus leads an attack on a caravan of slaves, one of the Romans begs for his life, telling Agron and Nasir (Pana Hema Taylor), as Tiberius is now known that he knows what has happened to Naevia, having overheard Crixus shout her name to every newly freed slave. Agron decides to lie, killing the Roman and telling Crixus that she is dead.

For Nasir, he must decide whether to keep Agron's secret. Adding further complications are his growing feelings for Agron, which have not escaped the attention of the blonde slave who spoke with Mira in the last episode, Chadara (Bonnie Sveen).

Oenomaus, captured in the last episode and brought before Glaber, Lucretia and Ilithyia by Ashur (yay, he's back!), is tortured by the Syrian, who now pledges his allegiance to Glaber. If Oenomaus would but tell Ashur where the rebels are, his pain and suffering would end. Ultimately, it is a different type of pain that causes him to break.

Ilithyia's father comes to Capua and faces off with Glaber, who is ordered to have his men appear in the arena at a games to mark Varinius' (Brett Tucker) impending capture of Spartacus. Glaber must decide whether to go along with the wishes of his father-in-law or to send his troops to follow up on a lead and tighten the noose around Spartacus' neck. Glaber is further driven by jealousy. Ilithyia shows Varinius too much attention and Glaber begins to resent it. And yet, he cannot bring himself to have sex with his wife, calling it a "chore" and instead devoting his time to finding Spartacus. Now, I know that's important to him but I'm sure he could have spared a little time with her. If Ilithyia dropped her robes in front of me, I'd drop whatever else I was doing. This lack of affection between the two may lead to Ilithyia looking elsewhere...

When Nasir reveals the truth about Naevia to Spartacus, he must decide whether to go to the mines and attempt to rescue her or to stick to their plan. It's obvious which option Spartacus will choose. For all of his qualities, Spartacus cannot see the bigger picture and he cannot do what is in the greater good and this is his failing as a commander. Agron refuses to go and leads some of the rebels to Vesuvius so they can be in a position to strike at various port towns and free boatloads of warrior slaves to boost their ranks. Spartacus ultimately loses several men in the mines and a character must decide whether to sacrifice themselves for the greater good so that the rest of the rebels can escape...

Vengeance is really moving along now. As Gandalf said in The Return of the King, "the board is set. The pieces are moving."

8 out of 10.

One Day (2011)

Within the first two minutes of One Day, I'd already worked out exactly what was going to happen. Predictability is the name of the game with romantic dramas but in this case, the plot and the ending are so obviously signposted that they might as well tell you up front exactly what happens.

Emma Morley (Anne Hathaway) and Dexter Mayhew (Jim Sturgess) meet on the day of their graduation from university in 1988. They almost sleep together but decide to become friends instead. Over the next twenty years, their friendship, career prospects and relationships fluctuate wildly. She becomes a waitress and then a teacher and dates an unsuccessful comedian (Rafe Spall). He travels, then becomes an irritating TV presenter, much to the chagrin of his parents (Patricia Clarkson and Ken Stott), and gets engaged to the glamorous Sylvie (Romola Garai). Emma and Dexter fight, they fall out, they make up, they reminisce, blah, blah, blah. You all know where it's heading.

With a film as boring and predictable as this, you'd at least hope to be drawn to the characters. No such luck here. Hathaway is fine as the boring and straight-laced Emma (even if her "Yorkshire" accent isn't) but Sturgess' character is so awful, so inherently unlikeable, the only thing I found myself wishing for him was that he die a slow and painful death. You're clearly meant to root for the two of them to get together but he's such an utter twat and she's so boring that I didn't give a shit what happened to either of them.

I struggled to think of anything I enjoyed about this film. The narrative is quite interesting, flashing forward in time year by year, and some of the supporting characters are well-acted. Other than that, there are no positives here at all.

This film has almost nothing to offer but boredom and misery. A plodding and predictable plot, burdened by one of the most detestable characters I've seen in a very long time.

2 out of 10.

Tucker & Dale vs Evil (2010)

The comedy horror genre is an unpredictable one. After the success of Shaun of the Dead in 2004 the genre fell on its face when Slither flopped and was subsequently pronounced dead. Smaller films like Severance, Black Sheep and Teeth were all good films but haven't broken out into the mainstream. Then Zombieland happened. The biggest grossing zombie film of all time and (as I've said previously) one of my favourite films of all time. Perhaps there is hope for comedy horror films after all?

If any film deserves to have the level of success Zombieland enjoyed, Tucker & Dale vs Evil is that film. Think Shaun of the Dead with hillbillies and you're pretty much there. This is horror comedy at its finest: buckets of blood, brilliant gags and nods to horror films from The Texas Chain Saw Massacre to Hatchet to Wrong Turn and The Burning as well as plenty more besides.

Tucker (Alan Tudyk) and Dale (Tyler Labine) look like creepy inbred cannibal hillbillies. In reality, they're misunderstood and harmless best friends who want nothing more than to renovate their newly purchased lake-side holiday cabin. The fact that it looks like they bought it from Leatherface and Jason Voorhees passes the pair completely by. On the way to their new retreat, they run into some college kids on a camping trip. Dale is drawn to the beautiful Alison (Katrina Bowden) and, egged on by Tucker, he attempts to ask her out. He is awkward and lacks confidence, scaring Alison and reinforcing the other college kids' view of him as a creepy hillbilly. Unbeknownst to either group, they head on to the same lake. Deciding to go skinny dipping, Chloe (Chelan Simmons, showing off her magnificent boobs) and three of the guys interrupt Tucker and Dale's late-night fishing trip. The squabbling pair startle Alison, who is stripping down to her underwear on a nearby rock and she falls into the water and hits her head. Dale dives into the water and fishes her out, dragging her into their boat. Tucker shouts at the others that they've rescued Alison but they panic and think they've kidnapped her. Then the fun begins.

Alison, taken back to their cabin and bandaged up, is initially terrified but warms to Dale and the two end up playing board games while Tucker cuts logs with a chainsaw. The college kids find the cabin and just as one of them plucks up the courage to approach, Tucker bursts a bee hive with his chainsaw and sprints towards the college kid, waving the weapon at the furious bees in a superb parody of Leatherface. The college kids begin dying in fantastically inventive and outrageously hilarious ways, none of which Alison witnesses as she ends up being banged on the head again. When she comes to and discovers the carnage outside the cabin, Dale reveals that Tucker has been kidnapped by her friends, led by the increasingly demented Chad (Jesse Moss). When Alison tries to use her budding psychology skills to broker a peace agreement and clear up the misunderstanding between Chad and Dale over a cup of tea, things turn explosively worse.

All comedy horror should be as brilliant as Tucker & Dale. Tudyk and Labine have wonderful chemistry as the title pair. They bounce off each other superbly and make you really believe that they're lifelong best friends. Bowden could have fallen back into playing a stereotypical bimbo, but she doesn't. She's really game, delivering an energetic and funny performance. Horror fans will have a blast spotting the little nods and winks to genre classics and even if you aren't familiar enough with the genre to spot every reference, the satire isn't too narrow to pass you by. It's only eighty-eight minutes and it skips by, never letting up in the fabulous gore and the hysterical jokes. But that's not all this film has to offer. What many other comedy horrors lack underneath their exterior of blood and jokes, Tucker & Dale has in bucket-loads: heart. At its core, it's a film about friendship and tolerance.

My one minor quibble with Tucker & Dale is that the very brief prologue should have come at the end, either during the credits or as a post-credits scene. I would seriously recommend skipping it. Just go straight to the title card, which is followed by the "3 days earlier" tag and the start of the film. It spoils the ending somewhat, much like the theatrical trailers (both red and green). Give them a miss, take my word for it and enjoy a fantastic film.

9 out of 10.

Spartacus: Vengeance 2.2 - A Place in This World

Ah, now this is more like it! Spartacus feels like it's picking up steam after a methodical first episode. Liam McIntyre feels more comfortable in his role, even if he lacks Andy Whitfield's rippling abs, Viva Bianca is returning to her devious best and Peter Mensah is given much more screen time.

Spartacus and Crixus move their base of operations from the sewers under Capua to an isolated villa owned by a Roman who provides Crixus with some information on Naevia, whom he owned for a few days, before he is dispatched to the Afterlife. Tiberius, the Roman's man-slave, is less than pleased and tries to kill Spartacus. He fails, obviously, and Spartacus begins training him and the other freed slaves. We'll probably be seeing a lot more of him. Other than that, Spartacus is in this episode less, taking a back seat to the unfolding events in Capua. There's the obligatory "kill some Roman scouts" scene, of course, and Mira questions Spartacus as to the nature of their relationship. She's starting to get very clingy. Don't be surprised if she's the next person who got too close to Spartacus and goes the way of Sura and Varo.

The real action in this week's episode is going on in Capua. Glaber is determined to find Spartacus at any cost. He proposes an alliance with Seppius, a local douche bag, who declines, seemingly more interested in fingering a particularly yonic fig. Lucretia wants to perform a sacrifice to ask the Gods for help in delivering Spartacus. Glaber is happy to go along with it but Ilithyia is sceptical and apparently entertains the idea of killing Lucretia. She also has a vivid fantasy about Spartacus whilst bathing nude and being washed by an attractive brunette. I love Ilithyia. As for Lucretia, is her apparent memory loss a ruse? Whilst shopping with Ilithyia she reveals that memories are returning and she recoils from a cloaked figure who hands her a note. More on that later...

Oenomaus, meanwhile, has decided that death in the Pits is the only way to reclaim his honour. We are treated to some flashbacks of him as a young slave, savagely killing all before him before being purchased by Batiatus' father. After facing several opponents and besting them all, Oenomaus looks to have met his match. He's whacked several times with a gigantic two-handed hammer and should have received a shattered jaw and multiple broken ribs but is apparently only bashed and bloodied. As his opponent prepares to deliver the coup de grâce, Oenomaus is rescued by persons unknown and taken to Batiatus' ludus. There, in the presence of Glaber, Ilithyia and Lucretia (who fingers the note from earlier), he is delivered by the hooded person, who reveals themselves to be a much-missed character from Blood and Sand!

A very good episode on the whole. A little more Spartacus and a little less Mira would have been an improvement. Mira's encounter with a recently freed slave girl who questions her relationship with Spartacus merely seems to be setting her up to get closer to Spartacus only to be killed. Can't imagine where they came up with that one. There are some cracking lines (Batiatus' father's encounter with a slave-owner in the Pits delivers two of the best) and Ilithyia bares (almost) all for the second week in a row. Batiatus is still missed, but less deeply than last week. His brilliant lines are being doled out to other characters and his scheming is being taken up by Ilithyia and, by the looks of it, Lucretia.

8 out of 10.