It's finally here. The siege of King's Landing. It's written by George R. R. Martin too so you just know this is going to be the best episode of the series.
Stannis Baratheon's fleet is almost at the capital. On board, final preparations are being made and Stannis (Stephen Dillane) looks like he's imagining himself riding triumphantly through the streets. You're not King yet, I want to remind him. Davos (Liam Cunningham) remarks to his son that he spent most of his life dodging the Royal Fleet, now he's sailing towards them. Matthos (Kerr Logan) seems to think that all they have to do is turn up and they will win. Davos is more cautious. They may have the larger fleet and the bigger army but no-one has ever breached the walls of King's Landing, he says. Matthos preaches to him about the Lord of Light and tells him that he has faith in his god and in his captain, Davos.
Tyrion can't sleep. Shae (Sibel Kekilli) asks him if he is afraid. Of course, he replies. She comforts him and he tells her that she can't fuck her way out of everything. "I have so far", she replies, reminding him of what he said when they first met - that she should fuck him like it was his last night on the Earth.
Queen Cersei is up and still drinking. Grand Maester Pycelle (Julian Glover) is offering advice but Cersei only wants what he brought her - essence of nightshade. A single drop will sooth nerves, he tells her. Three will send you to sleep and ten will... Cersei cuts him off and thanks him, sending him away.
Bronn (Jerome Flynn) is also up and drinking, but he's not alone in his chambers, he's drinking and singing the famous Lannister song The Rains of Castamere with his men and a girl he has perched on his knee. He undresses her as he tells her how he broke his nose. Sandor Clegane (Rory McCann) walks in and Bronn remarks to his lady friend that he doesn't think Sandor likes him. Sandor really doesn't like him and tells him that his Lord will miss him. One day he will, Bronn replies, standing up and grasping the handle of the knife that's hidden in the small of his back. They glare at each other just as the bells start ringing. Bronn asks him if he wants one more drink before the war but Sandor just walks off.
Varys (Conleth Hill) hates the bells. They always bring bad news, he says. Tyrion is being helped into his armour by his squire, Podrick Payne (Daniel Portman). Varys asks Tyrion if he trusts Podrick. Tyrion replies that he does. Varys unrolls a map of the tunnels beneath the city and explains that the Targaryens built them to provide escape from King's Landing, if necessary. Tyrion replies that he is not escaping. He intends to go down with the ship. "I'm sure many captains say the same when while their ship is afloat", Varys replies, telling Tyrion that his spies have heard that Stannis is working with a red priestess from Asshai. Tyrion is unconcerned but Varys tells him that he has seen things he wish he had not before remarking that he doesn't believe he ever told Tyrion how he was "cut". I don't believe you have, Tyrion replies. One day I will, Varys says, adding that he can think of nothing worse than a man like Stannis Baratheon who serves dark powers sitting on the Iron Throne. You're the only man who can stop him, he tells Tyrion.
From the watch towers, Stannis Baratheon's fleet is just visible through the fog. On his father's ship, Matthos gives the order for the men to come above deck.
Tyrion is giving some last orders to Bronn, who has clearly heard them several times before. Bronn notes that Tyrion is carrying an axe and remarks that having seen him kill a man with a shield, he will be unstoppable with an axe. They shake hands and tell each other not to die. Tyrion explains to Bronn that even though he pays him, they are friends. Sansa and Shae are hanging around, waiting for King Joffrey so that Sansa can see him off. Joffrey arrives and calls Sansa over. She tells Tyrion that she prays for his safe return. Tyrion bids Shae farewell and leaves. Joffrey has Sansa kiss his new sword, Hearteater. She asks if he will kill Stannis and he insists that he will. Of course, she says, Joffrey will of course fight in the vanguard as Robb Stark does. "Your brother's time will come", Joffrey replies, stalking off. Sansa tells Shae that Joffrey will come back. "The worst ones always do."
Joffrey joins Tyrion on the battlements and he asks where their fleet is but Tyrion is too busy for his questions and tells Joffrey that if he has The Hound cut him in half, he won't be able to give the signal.
On board his ship, Davos finds the lack of Lannister ships unsettling. His son thinks it might be a sign of mutiny but Davos is not convinced.
In a room deep inside the Red Keep, Queen Cersei is hosting all the other highborn girls. Tommen (Callum Wharry) is there, as are Sansa and Shae, who are talking about why the Queen hates Sansa so much. Shae suggests that she's jealous of her and the Queen calls Sansa over. She hands Sansa some wine and asks her if she's still "flowering". Sansa nods and Cersei remarks that as the men bleed outside, she will bleed inside. Sansa asks why Illyn Payne (Wilko Johnson) is with them and Cersei replies that he is there for protection. A member of the Kingsguard enters and tells the Queen they have caught some looters. She sends him and Illyn off to deal with them and tells Sansa that the "small folk" are only loyal if they fear you more than the enemy.
Stannis' fleet emerges from the fog and Tyrion gives the order for the archers to make ready and hold. One Lannister ship sails towards the enemy fleet and Joffrey asks where the rest are.
Davos and his son see the Lannister ship approaching and Stannis' archers stand ready too. The ship draws ever closer and Davos knows that something is wrong but he can't quite tell what it is yet. As it draws level, he can see that there is no-one on board. And then he sees it. At the back of the ship, a bright green liquid is flowing out of small portholes. Davos recognises the wildfire and gives the order to steer clear but it is too late.
From the battlements, Tyrion tosses a flaming torch over and down to the ground below. From an advanced position, Bronn lights an arrow, draws his bow and lets loose. It sails over the heads of Davos and his son and hits the wildfire as it floats on top of the water. It burns along towards the ship as Davos shouts for his son to get down. With a massive bright green fireball, the Lannister ship explodes. Davos is thrown from his ship, which is torn to smithereens. The explosion sends Stannis reeling and engulfs dozens of his ships, sending fiery green death down upon many others. So bright is the explosion that Joffrey and Tyrion can't even look at it. Bronn watches on as the wildfire burns like lava but moves like the wind, engulfing men and ships alike. Tyrion is stunned at the carnage and devastation that is unfolding before his eyes, men screaming and burning as wildfire rains down. Sandor is equally stunned and Hallyne (Roy Dotrice) chuckles as Tyrion looks at him. Stannis gets back to his feet and looks out at what remains of his fleet, sinking and burning in front of his eyes. Screams of hundreds of men, dying painful agonising deaths fill the air and Stannis removes his cloak, telling his men to prepare for landing. His captain protests that they are too far from the gate, that hundreds will die. "Thousands", Stannis replies, striding down to the deck and rallying his men. "Come with me and take this city!" he cries.
In the keep, Sansa is leading some of the other girls in a silent prayer. Queen Cersei, never one to pass up an opportunity to get pissed, refills her cup with more wine, calls her over and asks her what she is praying for. "For the gods to have mercy on us all ", she says. "Even me?", Cersei asks. "Of course", Sansa replies. "Even Joffrey?", the Queen asks. Sansa starts to reply that Joffrey is her king but Cersei tells her to shut up and explains that the gods have no mercy, which is why they're gods. That is what her father taught her when he found her praying for the gods to return her mother. Cersei hands Sansa more wine and tells her that she'd rather be outside facing the swords than trapped in here with the girls. She is only doing it because it is expected of her, so that if Tyrion wins the battle, they can talk of how inspiring she was. Sansa asks what would happen if Tyrion lost the battle. Cersei says that the keep would hold for long enough for her to surrender to Stannis in person. She says that she would not be able to get a private audience with him and would in fact have a better chance of seducing his horse. "Tears aren't a woman's only weapon", she says. "The best one's between your legs. Learn how to use it." She explains what will happen if the city is taken - half of the women in the room will be carrying bastards come morning.
Stannis' army, transferred to rowing boats, is approaching the shore. Depleted, yes, but still enough to take the city. As Joffrey panics, Tyrion orders the archers to open fire and sends Podrick to bring more men over from other parts of the city. As his ships reach the shore, Stannis himself is the first one to leap ashore. Lannister archers kill scores of Stannis' men but hundreds more take their place, charging at the walls. Rocks and arrows come hurling down as Sandor leads his men out of the gate and charging towards the invaders. Sandor does well, tearing a man in half at the waist with his sword. Lancel Lannister (Eugene Simon) does not, taking an arrow to his shoulder and retreating back inside the gate.
Cersei is telling Sansa about her childhood. About how Jaime was taught to fight and she was taught to smile and sing. About how Jaime was heir to Casterly Rock and she was sold to a stranger to be ridden whenever he liked. The same fate awaits you, Cersei implies, telling Sansa to enjoy it. Seeing Shae, whom she does not recognise, she goes over to her. Shae attempts to curtsy and fails. Cersei shows her how it is done and questions her. From commoner to the Red Keep in ten years all without learning to curtsy, she remarks. She asks Shae to tell a story but before Shae can begin, Lancell bursts in and gives Cersei the news. Cersei tells him to bring Joffrey to her and he protests but does as he is told. Cersei then tells Sansa why Ilyn is really with them - to kill them before Stannis' men can get to them.
Outside the walls, the battle rages on. Sandor carves a man in two at the shoulder and turns to see one of Stannis' men, on fire and charging at him with an axe in his hand. Sandor freezes but the man takes an arrow in the head before he can reach him. Sandor looks up to see Bronn, who nods and smiles before launching back into the fray. Carnage unfolds around him and Sandor turns around and slowly walks back through the gate. His men follow after a few moments and the doors are shut behind them. Stannis' men bring ladders and he is the first up one, climbing onto the battlements and setting about taking the Iron Throne, one Lannister soldier at a time.
Behind the walls, Sandor calls for wine as Tyrion asks him why he is not on the other side. Sandor explains that he lost half his men. Joffrey orders him back outside and Tyrion tells him that Stannis will take the city. "Fuck the Kingsguard. Fuck the city. Fuck the King", Sandor replies and walks off.
Stannis' men continue arriving on the beach, the latest contingent bringing a battering ram with them. A boat is dragged onto the beach and turned over to use as a shelter for it and the men start battering down the gates.
Lancel finds Joffrey and tells him that the Queen has ordered him back to the keep. "If you won't defend your city, why should they?", Tyrion asks, telling him to lead his men. Joffrey flounders for a moment and I honestly thought he would decide to stay. But he doesn't. He leaves Tyrion in charge and leaves. Podrick returns with more men and they ask where the King is. Taking matters into his own hands, Tyrion declares that he will lead the attack. He tells the men that they will not go out through the gate, they will come out behind them and fuck them in their arses. "Don't fight for your King and don't fight for his Kingdoms. Don't fight for honour, don't fight for glory. Don't fight for riches because you won't get any!" Tyrion begins, urging his men to fight to defend their homes and their families from Stannis' marauding horde.
Lancel returns to the Queen, telling her that all is lost. She asks where Joffrey is and he replies that he wants to escort him back to the battle. Cersei punches him in his wounded shoulder and leaves with Tommen. Sansa reassures the girls and leads them in song. Shae tells her to run to her room and hide there, that Stannis won't hurt her but Ilyn will. Sansa runs off but Shae stays behind to say goodbye to "someone". Sansa returns to her chambers and locks the door. She sees the doll that her father gave to her, now so long ago. Out of the shadows, Sandor speaks and Sansa gasps in shock. He explains that he is leaving. Leaving for somewhere that isn't burning. "What about the King?", Sansa asks. "He can die just fine on his own", Sandor replies. Sandor offers to take Sansa with him, take her to Winterfell and keep her safe. She tells him that she will stay, that Stannis won't hurt her. We're all killers, he tells her and leaves.
Tyrion's men sneak out of a small, gated culvert. Coming up behind Stannis' men, Tyrion leads the charge and begins the killing. They overturn the battering ram and kill the men carrying it, breaking out into cheers, chanting "Half man! Half man! Half man!" Turning around, Tyrion's mouth falls open. "Oh fuck me", he exclaims as hundreds of Stannis' men round the corner and charge at them. Stannis is still on the battlements, chopping the top of one man's head off as the fighting rages below the walls. Tyrion is almost killed but is saved by a Knight of the Kingsguard, Mandon Moore (James Doran), who pauses before striking at Tyrion, cutting across his face. Tyrion falls but before Mandon can finish the job, Podrick stabs a spear through his face.
In the throne room, Cersei sits on the Iron Throne with Tommen. She tells him not to worry and tells him the story of the mother lion and her cub. As she tells her story, knights emerge from the mist and charge towards Tyrion and his men. Carrying a Lannister banner, the knights charge into the battle, slaughtering Stannis' men. As Tyrion lays his head down on the floor, Cersei takes out the bottle of nightshade and removes the cap. She lifts it to Tommen's lips but before he can drink it, the doors burst open and in marches... Loras Tyrell (Finn Jones) and behind him, Tywin (Charles Dance). She drops the bottle and it smashes on the floor. Stannis' men are fleeing before his eyes and he urges them to stand and fight but they continue to run as he is dragged away. Tywin walks towards his daughter and tells her: "The battle is over. We have won!"
Wow. At the end of the episode, I was speechless. Absolutely speechless. As sieges go, that was right up there with the Battle of Helm's Deep. It may not have the massive scale that Peter Jackson's The Two Towers has, with sweeping aerial shots, a scale model fortress and a CGI army of ten thousand soldiers but what it has instead is an intense and overwhelming sense of claustrophobia. Cersei and Sansa are trapped inside the Red Keep. Tyrion, surrounded by giants clad in armour seems so much smaller and more helpless than usual. The fog rolls in and envelops the city as death approaches and the episode's (fairly) limited budget is put to great use as the focus is not on armies smashing into each other but on individual characters and close, intense, often brutal hand-to-hand combat. Oh, and the wildfire explosion was fucking amazing.
Episode director Neil Marshall, the genius behind Dog Soldiers and The Descent, puts his talents to great use here, ramping up the gore factor but not neglecting the wonderful one-on-one interactions that the series has made its own. Queen Cersei, drowning her sorrows in wine and taking years of pent-up frustration, bitterness and hatred out upon poor Sansa is the standout character of the episode, outshining even Tyrion. Lena Heady is magnificent as she channels Lady Macbeth, managing to be both cruel and contemptuous and also pathetic and sympathetic. Trapped in a body she would swap for her brother's, trapped in a loveless and miserable marriage to a man still in love with another, now trapped deep inside the Red Keep as her doom approaches, Cersei tortures Sansa with stories of what horrors await them should her hated brother fail to repulse the assault.
But repulse the assault they did. Baelish was obviously successful in his politicking and House Tyrell came to the rescue, joining up with Tyrion to relieve the city and crush Stannis' army. I presume Stannis escaped but I guess we'll find out next week. As for other characters with ambiguous fates, is Davos dead? I really hope not, he's been a great and interesting character. Anyone else? Oh, just Tyrion, attacked by the Kingsguard and left for dead! There are no shortage of characters who want everyone's favourite dwarf dead but who was ultimately behind the assassination attempt? I am presuming, of course that he is not dead. Killing off the series lead in two successive series would be much too cruel and the internet would probably explode if Tyrion were to die.
In other news, Sandor Clegane has done what he has been threatening to do all series and defied his King. I thought he would go out in a blaze of glory or take a few soldiers with him but his actual exit, telling everyone to go fuck themselves and walking off was much better. He couldn't go without trying to take Sansa with him and what on earth was she doing by deciding to stay! Even if Stannis would have done her no harm, she's in much more danger now. With the sister of the saviour of King's Landing expressing a desire not to be "a queen" but "the Queen", Sansa's position as Joffrey's betrothed is clearly under threat. As for Joffrey, I really thought he would stay on the front lines. If he had, I would have given him the tiniest grain of respect. But of course, he did not. Next week, a return to multi-storyline normality, the final episode of the year and my 42-week countdown until more new episodes of Game of Thrones begins.
Brilliant. Fantastic. Stupendous. Think of any superlative you like and add them to the list. This wasn't just the best episode of the series, or of Game of Thrones so far, it's one of the best episodes of television I've ever seen. By the time the haunting rendition of The Rains of Castamere by Matt Berninger of The National began, I was practically weeping with joy.
10 out of 10.
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