Apollo 18 (2011)

"Found-footage" horror films have become a sub-genre of their own. They're nothing new, of course. The original found-footage horror was 1980's Cannibal Holocaust and the most infamous is 1999's The Blair Witch Project. It wasn't until 2007, however, that the genre really took off with Paranormal Activity, Diary of the Dead and REC being unleashed onto an unsuspecting audience. They were soon followed by Cloverfield, Quarantine, REC 2, Paranormal Activity 2 and 3, The Last Exorcism and Troll Hunter as well as countless others; some brilliant, others utter bollocks. Now, the genre moves into outer space with Spanish director Gonzalo Lopez-Gallego's first English-language production.

The story goes that after Apollo 17, the final public mission to the Moon, the US Department of Defence instigated another, secret mission, Apollo 18. So far, so conspiracy nonsense. After landing on the Moon, the pair of astronauts down on the lunar surface discover a Soviet lander and things start getting weird - their communications go down and something attacks their rover and, hilariously, their flag. Clocking in at only one hour and twenty-six minutes, and with ten minutes (!) of credits, the story is over in about an hour and a quarter. And thank goodness for that!

Nothing happens. For long, yawning, vacuous stretches of time, absolutely nothing happens. If this was intended as a metaphor for the vastness of the universe and the isolation and loneliness that astronauts can face in the great emptiness of space, then I doff my hat to the director. But I doubt it. After what seems like an eternity, something finally happens and they discover the Soviet lander. Make a note of that scene for it's the only one that made me jump, although I knew it was coming. Then, nothing happens. There's some stuff about rocks and suddenly one of the astronauts has an alien spider in his suit. Apparently the alien spiders hide themselves as rocks, in a plot twist that's as dumb as a bag of them. More things fail to happen, then they finally decide to leave. That's about it.

If you want an exercise in how to make a seventy-six minute film with about fourteen minutes of interesting footage or you want a lesson in how not to build tension and create atmosphere, watch Apollo 18. A good idea for a promising little horror film was unfortunately wasted.

4 out of 10.