I've fallen behind with The River. I had better things to watch to be honest but I said I was going to watch them all, so here's what I thought of episode 4.
The search for Emmet Cole continues and Clark questions the other passengers on who they consider the leader to be. Their answers don't reveal much more than we already knew: Lincoln's a pussy, his mom won't stand up to Kurt and no-one likes Clark. The lull is disrupted when they come across Emmet's cameraman Jonas Beckett (Scott Michael Foster) hanging from some vines, apparently recently dead. When he gasps for air and starts clawing at the vines around his neck they rush to save him. Safely back on board, Lincoln diagnoses him with Malaria and sets about treating him. Emilio and Jahel look like they know more than they're letting on (as usual). We're "treated" to his audition tapes for Undiscovered Country which reveal him to be an adrenaline junkie and a massive douchebag. Clark has never met him meaning Emmet hired him after he fired everyone else. Tess sets about trying to recover information from his mobile phone and Clark and A.J. start scouring the tapes to find out anything about Jonas. More back-story about Jonas shows him defying Emmet's orders to videotape some Amazonian people during a funeral. What a nice guy. Tess wants to turn the boat back around so they can go back to a village and get some medicine for Jonas. Lincoln objects but they are both cut short when it starts raining dead birds. Seven Plagues of Egypt anyone?
Dead birds stop raining from the sky and the group prepare for an oncoming storm. Back in the video room, Clark spies on Jahel and overhears her saying "El Colgado" but she refuses to say any more when questioned. During the rush to secure the boat, Jonas takes the opportunity to steal a tape of him doing something that will undoubtedly be revealed in fifteen minutes. A plague of insects then descends on them and Jonas collapses. When he comes round Johal breaks out her tarot cards (what's she going to do next week, look into her crystal fucking ball?) and tells them that "El Colgado" (The Hanging Man) is a curse put on the arrogant and greedy - they must suffer the agony of death but never the release of dying. She says that they will all be killed unless he is handed back to the Boiuna (death). Clark threatens Jonas and he gives up the tape. I say "threatened him", he grabs his collar and says "give us what you're hiding". The tapes show Jonas filming the funeral and the dead man's body and then Emmet abandoning Jonas where they discovered him. The crew resolve to sacrifice Jonas but he beats them to it, rushing back on deck. He apologises, breaks the phone with the recording on and puts his head back in the noose. The Boiuna is apparently satisfied and allows him to live. Back in the video room, Tess and Lincoln come across a message Emmet recorded for them where he apologises.
Just like I predicted, The River has stuck to the same formula for three weeks now: crew find something "magical", Jahel refuses to tell them what it is, something weird happens, Jahel tells them what it is, someone apologises to the magic, weird stuff ends. If it was done well I'd have fewer complaints but The River is just crap. It's too many things rolled into one very awkward and cumbersome package. There's no humour to lift proceedings and Lincoln's as stiff as usual. Clark and Kurt are the only interesting characters but when the cast numbers almost a dozen that's not a good sign.
3 out of 10.
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